The Dialectic of Trauma

Trauma impels people both to withdraw from close relationships and to seek them desperately.

The profound disruption in basic trust, the common feelings of shame, guilt, and inferiority, and the need to avoid reminders of the trauma that might be found in social life, all foster withdrawal from close relationships. But the terror of the traumatic event intensifies the need for protective attachments.

The traumatized person therefore frequently alternates between isolation and anxious clinging to others. The dialectic of trauma operates not only in the survivor’s inner life but also in [their] close relationships. It results in the formation of intense, unstable relationships that fluctuate between extremes.

from Trauma and Recovery, by Judith Herman